Watch Out! The world's behind you!

So, I feel that I've hit an interesting point in my life where I need it to change or I feel as if I'm going to lose my mind. I think about my mom daily and it constantly troubles me. I don't have anything to say about it besides how disappointed I am in all of it. She was only 43 years old. Lately I've been surrounding myself with healthy desires and I'm convinced it is subconsciously due to my mother passing at such a young age. I thought to myself, "If I continue living this way, I'm already half dead.", and couldn't stand it. So here I am. Preparing myself for something that I can't even grasp yet. I've decided to take 30 days out of my life to live my life. Funny huh? But we'll come back to that.
I've been so depressed (which isn't something recent for me at all) and confused lately that it's driven me to search for the right way to live,the life with all of the happiness intended. I've always felt that we are born on this Earth with all the tools we could possibly need to succeed... if we didn't have them all along how could we have made it this far? I feel that my state of being has caused my depression to peak like it has, so I'm going to try to change it.

I've been reading the book Clean by Alejandro Junger (I haven't finished it) and I was so surprised to find such a similarity in myself... So this book has inspired me to make a move. I've recently bought a juicer and have enjoyed juicing fruits and vegetables for a meal. The strangest thing is that I swear I can feel a difference in my energy and mood which leads me to believe, even more, that I can over come whatever "funk" that I've been in for so long naturally by generally bettering my life. Then I come to find myself stumbling on documentaries such as "Sick, Fat, and Nearly Dead" and "Food Matters" with everything tying itself together in everything I've been thinking! What more can life say? I need to do something differently. So I'm going to.


Over the next week I'm going to prepare myself for a drastic lifestyle change. I've already quit smoking cigarettes out of the blue. It's been 32 days today. Which I'm actually very proud of myself for, but not really (if that makes sense? I feel that I should be able to quit without a problem since it was no big deal to me.. even though I smoked a ton of cigarettes :/ there was no true reason for it in the beginning - which is a good enough reason to quit). To prepare myself for the next 30 days I will be blogging every evening and slowly eliminating things from my routine.

My guidelines (I don't have a plan yet, I hope to by the next few days) for July 13th to August 13th will be No Facebook, No fast food, soda, or bottled juice, Extremely Limited "hang outs", Daily exercise, Hobbies, Diet change (not going on a diet, but changing the way I eat completely), Making personal relationships stronger, Spending more time with my animals, and Responsibilities (which generally ties it all together, but more specifically things like: possibly getting another job, cleaning up the house, getting rid of any debt). I really don't want to sacrifice some of the things I'm going to but I feel that I have to. I need to see the other side.

Side thoughts:
 Working out sucks sometimes! So why do people decide to continue to do it? There must be benefits from it or else it wouldn't be "worth it" and I'm interested to find out.

 I've already received strange reactions from close people in my life, which I didn't expect to happen but I have also gained a lot of support from those who truly matter. I just hope that everyone can realize this is something I am in need of doing and support me regardless. 


  Some people will be surprised by some of this information, don't pry out of concern rather than an actual interest. I will be okay just like I have been, this is just an adventure and hopefully a life changing experience.


Re-reading this makes me feel inspired. I hope I can remind myself that.