I Sense There's Something In The Wind....

I had an interesting few days. I was invited to see my cousin, on my Mother's side, get married. It was absolutely beautiful. Very formal. Now I'm feeling under the weather after my few days of fun. :(

Besides that... today is my last day of Facebook for a month if I can make it XD. Since my computer is broken at the moment I really don't have a reason to browse or anything, and I'll be temporarily deleting the app from my phone. Leaving it active is just so I know it's not that I CAN'T have it, but more so that I don't WANT it... We'll see. I'll still be on Instagram (like I said to Frank "This shit's like crack to me!" lol coming from a tumblee I guess...). I also have all notifications disabled. I really don't have that much of a use for Facebook since I don't really have that many consistent (the best word I could find...) friends.
I really didn't prepare myself as much as I would have liked for the month ahead but I'm really going to try to the best of my current knowledge to get me started. Every time I go outside I see more motivation surrounding me though, so I'm feeling slightly more confident than I probably should.

As Of Tomorrow ::
I will be blogging daily on various things, weather it's what I've eaten, a photo, or even just my thoughts. I'm going to be grinding through the rest of "Clean" and hope to post some things I've found interesting or delicious from this book. I will be exercising daily, and increasing my water intake as much as possible (at first this is going to be so hard) ! I will also be setting goals for myself around the house for every few days and financially for each week. I will be taking the unused time in my days for things like crafting and playing with my animals. :)

For Right Now ::
I'm feeling very fed up with a lot of people. Everyone is a lie. Haha, I know that sounds odd but it's the first way I thought to describe it. Everyone has an excuse for why they can't reach their goals and I just think it's all BULLSHIT Laziness. People that aren't knowledgeable on a subject and unwilling or unmotivated to find out. Blah.
Tonight I've binged on my last snack ( a DQ Blizzard yum ) and plan to take a nice long shower and trim/paint my nails. My new shampoo and conditioner has been awesome! Now all I need to do is stop using the hot iron. :/ I also need to keep better track of when I have done things.. because I've been forgetting things lately. I need to get my act together all around and it's going to take some work. Hopefully I will feel better tomorrow so this journey develops nicely. Breaking Bad this evening in bed with the love! I've been waiting like 6 months for this!! <3

There's Always a New Tomorrow

"You must make a choice to take a chance or your life will never change." Something I read today somewhere. The past few days have been extremely difficult for me.. and Frank too. I think my feelings, especially about the privacy issues, have started to rub off on him. I feel bad but it's the truth. :/ I don't know why, but I've been a little out of control in the sense of what I want to change lately. I've been spending lots of money, eating a ton of junk, and generally not doing what I want for myself. X_X What The Fuck?! It's discouraging but I keep telling myself I'm just preparing, and that's what happens when you prepare for something you've never done.. fail. I guess coming here and blogging about it might be a sign that I'm still willing to try.
I got a hair cut the other day and touched up the black. The blonde streaks are soon. My poor hair. :( It's so much harder to hear an actual stylist tell you how bad your hair is.. I mean, I already knew but I was just trying to fool myself. As of next week, another commitment to be made is investing in a very expensive shampoo and conditioner. I was recommended Joico Moisture Recovery for my extremely dry hair and I'm going to try it. My other recommendation is to completely stop using box dye kits and only using professional color or getting it done at a salon once, and only touching up my roots every 6 weeks. Hair cuts are necessary every 6 weeks if I continue to fry my already blown out hair shaft. D: *sounds horrible* This is what it's going to take to be long though. I've been CRAVING a fun color in my hair.. but alas my priorities have stayed somewhat in order.
The only other thing I've done successfully on my list is get a new Social Security card since mine was lost or stolen. The next step toward that is applying for food stamps. Ugh.
My main issue this week has been my lack of privacy. I'm a 20 year old girl trying to live in a living room... with her boyfriend, Dad, and Grandmother (who has dementia). Seriously? Why am I doing this to myself...? I don't know. I'm so ready to go (mentally not financially) but everything in life likes to get in the way. :( I don't even know how to begin to bring it up to dad... Especially with Grammy needing the help..
I'm really hoping I can recover this month after the wedding.. Maybe I'll start to see a direction.

Watch Out! The world's behind you!

So, I feel that I've hit an interesting point in my life where I need it to change or I feel as if I'm going to lose my mind. I think about my mom daily and it constantly troubles me. I don't have anything to say about it besides how disappointed I am in all of it. She was only 43 years old. Lately I've been surrounding myself with healthy desires and I'm convinced it is subconsciously due to my mother passing at such a young age. I thought to myself, "If I continue living this way, I'm already half dead.", and couldn't stand it. So here I am. Preparing myself for something that I can't even grasp yet. I've decided to take 30 days out of my life to live my life. Funny huh? But we'll come back to that.
I've been so depressed (which isn't something recent for me at all) and confused lately that it's driven me to search for the right way to live,the life with all of the happiness intended. I've always felt that we are born on this Earth with all the tools we could possibly need to succeed... if we didn't have them all along how could we have made it this far? I feel that my state of being has caused my depression to peak like it has, so I'm going to try to change it.

I've been reading the book Clean by Alejandro Junger (I haven't finished it) and I was so surprised to find such a similarity in myself... So this book has inspired me to make a move. I've recently bought a juicer and have enjoyed juicing fruits and vegetables for a meal. The strangest thing is that I swear I can feel a difference in my energy and mood which leads me to believe, even more, that I can over come whatever "funk" that I've been in for so long naturally by generally bettering my life. Then I come to find myself stumbling on documentaries such as "Sick, Fat, and Nearly Dead" and "Food Matters" with everything tying itself together in everything I've been thinking! What more can life say? I need to do something differently. So I'm going to.


Over the next week I'm going to prepare myself for a drastic lifestyle change. I've already quit smoking cigarettes out of the blue. It's been 32 days today. Which I'm actually very proud of myself for, but not really (if that makes sense? I feel that I should be able to quit without a problem since it was no big deal to me.. even though I smoked a ton of cigarettes :/ there was no true reason for it in the beginning - which is a good enough reason to quit). To prepare myself for the next 30 days I will be blogging every evening and slowly eliminating things from my routine.

My guidelines (I don't have a plan yet, I hope to by the next few days) for July 13th to August 13th will be No Facebook, No fast food, soda, or bottled juice, Extremely Limited "hang outs", Daily exercise, Hobbies, Diet change (not going on a diet, but changing the way I eat completely), Making personal relationships stronger, Spending more time with my animals, and Responsibilities (which generally ties it all together, but more specifically things like: possibly getting another job, cleaning up the house, getting rid of any debt). I really don't want to sacrifice some of the things I'm going to but I feel that I have to. I need to see the other side.

Side thoughts:
 Working out sucks sometimes! So why do people decide to continue to do it? There must be benefits from it or else it wouldn't be "worth it" and I'm interested to find out.

 I've already received strange reactions from close people in my life, which I didn't expect to happen but I have also gained a lot of support from those who truly matter. I just hope that everyone can realize this is something I am in need of doing and support me regardless. 


  Some people will be surprised by some of this information, don't pry out of concern rather than an actual interest. I will be okay just like I have been, this is just an adventure and hopefully a life changing experience.


Re-reading this makes me feel inspired. I hope I can remind myself that.

Damnit! There aren't enough bloggings about red hair!

This last week has been a pretty rough one. I just had 2 days off work after working 8 days in a row, for starters, and so much other crap has been happening along the way that I can't do anything about!

So, I've decided to start writing about this awesome Red Hair adventure since that's definitely what it has been the past few weeks.

Beginning: My hair had been black for quite a few months with frequent dye upkeep and I had tried going red so many times before, I'm thinking at least 5 times.. but it was never quite red. I had been letting my hair grow out and the black fade for about one month before I decided I was too impatient to wait any longer and I just went for it. I had researched for hours about different Red permanent dyes, when I finally came up with some positive feedback on a particular dye, and once I looked that up I found even more positive responses!! So I went up to a Sally's Beauty Supply (and if you don't know what a Sallys is, you need to find out ASAP. It's a great way to get everything in one trip and at low prices. Which is great for red!) and purchased two boxes of the dye, a new mixing bowl, and some 30 developer.  I decided to try one over the roots and black in my hair knowing it probably wouldn't affect the black, but was pleased with the color it turned my natural hair, without even having to bleach!

Actually going Red from black. Bleaching: You always know how fun it is to bleach your hair... T_T Spend an hour covering you're whole head and another hour to pull out all that dye, then about a week feeling like you've only got straw on your head. It's dreadful. I wasn't expecting much when I bleached my hair the next day after doing the red over the black, and to my surprise it came out pretty well. I bought a box bleach kit from a drugstore. I'm pretty sure it was  L'Oreal. I put as much of it as I could through out my hair using a tint brush and put a plastic bag on my head and released the air from it. Then waited... Rinsed it out and conditioned with the conditioner that came in the box. In this photo my hair is still wet so it appears slightly darker. It was very orange, but that was okay with me since I was going red anyways.

Red Dye: I still had one box of dye so a day later I went red. It was definitely a little light when it first came out, but was expected after bleaching. I was none the less satisfied because my hair was finally red! You can tell the red was definitely new because I was still rockin black eyebrows ;P .. looks a little odd. I've since then switched em up to match. :)

Red Fade: The red in the photo above faded quite quickly.. I believe 2 washes! Ouch! After all that time and damage to my hair I was bummed. :( So I decided to switch to another color I had been considering that was very similar. It turned out AWESOME. Just the color I was looking for. It has more of a blue, magenta hue rather than the copper, orange like before. 

More Fade!!: This problem had been driving me nuts.. especially because I couldn't find any good information... until I sat through, like, a 15 minute video that just so happened to bring up my concern. My hair was only fading in the lower back center of my hair, and the tips... but everything else looked absolutely great! Wtf? The solution I eventually came up with was Red Protein Filler for your hair. They have it in neutral as well. I haven't seen the full potential it has held but I decided to try it out. I put it on my dry, unwashed, faded hair only on the orange-blonde faded spots and let it sit for probably an hour. Then I put my regular dye over the protein filler and let that sit (also with a bag on my head).  I almost forgot to take a photo, so I took it mid-protein filler. The orange color was lighter than that even, poor lighting! The darker color is where I had applied the protein filler already:

When I went to wash it out, I did not use shampoo, I rinsed and massaged it all out and used a hair treatment cream that I also got at Sally's just to try. Intense repair for dry damaged hair. It was by Ion. I mixed a good amount of the RED protein filler (I also bought two of these they are only a little over $5 each) with the ion conditioning treatment and only used that. I let it sit for about 10 minutes, possibly a few minutes longer. I towel dried my hair then let it air dry. It felt better. Not extremely, but after all that it didn't feel like straw much any more, if at all. :) I was satisfied. I've been rocking the new color for about 3 days and have not needed to wash yet. If you think that's gross, please try having red hair. :) Luckily my hair doesn't get very greasy to begin with.

The color is very vibrant where I applied the filler so it's still a little brighter than the top. Depending on how badly it fades out (crossing my fingers hoping it won't fade too bad) will determine if I try the protein filler again or go darker. I have one more trick up my sleeve in case of extreme fade. But I'm not an expert and all of these tactics have been self taught over hours slaving away on research and trial and error experiences. My head has been just about every color of the damn rainbow and so far no color has been this much of an issue... But it's just too damn sexy. ;D

I'll keep you all updated. Especially about the filler and fade. <3

xx

THERE ARE TACOS ALL OVER THE STREET!!

What a crazy week it's been... It's been so much fun though. Work sucks as always but it's not too bad. Still getting a few shitty 4am shifts but oh well, better than 2+. So one thing that I've been thinking about lately is the meaning of pin up to me... and the way other women portray themselves. I've been getting sick of girls these days being so blunt that they don't even have any secrets.. I mean what's the fun in that? It's definitely not classy when you're sitting publicly and announcing who you're trying to bone.. especially when everyone knows there are other relations going on besides that. It seems like no one has any self respect these days.. or even just respect in general. People can be so rude and inconsiderate. Anyways, I'm strong on believing that being slutty is all bad news. Unless it's with your own guy/girl and it's mutual. Rambling.
I've been partying way too hard lately in excess. But it's been so fun!! :O It's nice to just get away sometimes.
Enjoying the red hair, but I'm trying to let it recoop a little before I continue to kill it so I'm starting to rock a fade. Oh well. I still think I miss the black on occasion but I think I'm just getting impatient with the growth rate.. :/ On another note, it's almost been 2 years that I've been with my dark prince and I couldn't be more in love. :) I'm glad things are just as good && I'm 110% comfortable. Can't wait till pay day! Well, guess I'll write more later when I think about it. :P

Red Hot && on Fire!

Update::  So I'm basically failing on keeping this thing as up to date as I'd like but I feel like I don't have much to ramble about... work is the same shit, just... well.. everyday. ha! Couldn't wait any longer to dye my hair, the fade and roots were driving me crazy!! I don't know how people can stand having poor looking hair. T_T Maybe it's just me being the perfectionist I am though. Anywho, I've tried to go red so so so many times with no avail... until now! I think I'm some what satisfied with the color, at least for the time being... My hair sure can take a beating. If I do decide to change it, I may go for a more magenta hue rather than orange or I might just find a dark sultry red. ;) But it's summer time and red is HOT, despite how popular it may be. I'm just glad this time my hair is a little lengthy and the color is right. ;) However I get the feeling some people I know thought they were original in having red hair... HAHA!
Gosh, I feel like such a sassy bitch sometimes and I love it. <--- perfect example :x
Ink-N-Iron was fun! It wasn't exactly what I was expecting and I definitely wish I had brought more cash along. SO much merch, and the beautiful Queen Mary.... not to mention all the lovely cars and vintage guests! <3  For now this is all I can think to write... hopefully I'll be posting again soon with photos!

xx

MONKEY MANNN!!!!!

June already. Time is really just flying by these days. The Ink-n-Iron Festival is this weekend, and I've already bought my tickets! Yay! I'm so excited.. I'm definitely thinking of finding a piercer if there will be any (hmmm?) on board and getting one or two more. :) I think I've found a cute outfit but I'm still not sure if I'm going to settle yet. The corset is a definite must though! The boyfriend and I will be carpooling with a friend or two up to Longbeach... hopefully the people there won't be as rude as the last time I went up North. *spitting noise* 

I miss you Mom.
I've been so over my house lately, but the other option of wasting gas isn't that appealing either. Ugh. I need to change my life. :/ 

..........

 xx